Boy with the Blues
by cof2e2
Summary: after the events of Revelations Morgan checks on Reid in the hospital and the two talk.


Boy with the Blues

A/N- I haven't written much lately, and this is my first post in over a year, but this story has been knocking around in my head for quite a while now, and I've finally decided to write down the whole thing. I really just wanted to answer some of my own questions about what happened after the end of Revelations.

The title of this story is shamelessly stolen from the title of an Oasis song. Not trying to pawn it off as my own. Good titles are not my strong point.

Any mistakes are my own. I have tried to clean up any typos, but grammar is not something I'm very good with and not everything is caught by spellcheck!

/cm/

Reid tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position on the uncomfortable hospital mattress. He was starting to wonder if they were specifically made to make the patients get as little rest as possible. While he knew that his inability to sleep had more to do with the fact that he had just gone through what had easily been the worst two days of his life than his current bed it did make him feel better to be angry with the hospital staff for purchasing these ridiculous beds.

Irritated, he rolled onto his side which instantly sent a stab of pain through his ribs, two of which were fractured from Tobias giving him CPR. The doctors had been unwilling to give him much in the way of pain medication, due to the fact that he still had Dilauded in his system. Reid scratched absentmindedly at the IV taped to the back of his hand as he eyed his bag on the other side of the room. Gideon had brought it for him and when the nurse had left him alone for a few minutes so he could change into scrubs he had hidden the stolen vials of Dilauded in the bag. He thought back to the respite that the drug had given him, allowing him for once to just turn off his mind, and he wanted nothing more than to take another dose. He knew, however, that the doctors were periodically testing the levels of the drug in his system and would obviously notice a sudden spike. He would wait until he was allowed to go home.

He had been angry that the doctors had insisted he stay the night. Despite several protests on his part that he was fine and they could just get on the plane and go home Hotch had backed up the doctor and the team was to stay in Georgia for one more night. Most of them had offered to stay at the hospital with Reid had told them to go to the hotel down the road and get some sleep. He knew that they had not slept since he had been taken, and were exhausted.

Reid rolled onto his back again, sending a glare at the incessantly ticking clock, the sound of which seemed to reverberate throughout the entire room. It felt like it had been forever sine the team had left for the hotel shortly after midnight, but it wasn't even three in the morning yet. He felt like he would go insane if he had to lie in that bed much longer. He desperately wanted to go home. It was all he could think about. As he lay in the hospital bed part of him started planning as escape. He did have a change of clothes with him and his badge. It probably wouldn't be too difficult to talk his way out even with his limp and the bruises on his face. Hotch and Gideon wouldn't be happy, but he just had to get out of there.

Making his decision he pulled the IV out of his hand, stood and grabbed his bag, quickly pulling out a pair of pants and a shirt.

"Going somewhere, kid?"

Reid let out an undignified yelp and dropped the shirt in his hand. Blushing he turned to face Morgan, looking very much like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Morgan shook his head, smirking. "Get back in bed." He took the bag from Reid and shoved the clothes back in. He looked at Reid who was looking more than a little bit pitiful with his bruised face, limp hair, too big scrubs, and flimsy hospital robe. Sighing Morgan pushed Reid gently toward the bed. Reid sat back lay back down, adjusting the bed so he was sitting up a bit more. Morgan threw the blanket over the younger man and sat down on the chair next to the bed. "So what were you doing, pretty boy? Trying to pull a Houdini?"

Reid fidgeted uncomfortably in the bed, looking down. "This is ridiculous; I don't need to be here."

"Reid, you were kidnapped and held for two days. You were beaten and drugged. You _died, _man. If Tobias hadn't given you CPR…" he trailed off, looking troubled. "I think that the hospital is a pretty damn good place for you to be right now."

Reid didn't look up, and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hey," Morgan said, tapping Reid's arm lightly with his closed fist. "Wanna try telling whatever it was you just said to the blanket?"

Reid groaned and let his head fall back on the pillow, eyes closed. "I just want to go home," he repeated.

Morgan rolled his eyes. "What were you planning to do? Hitchhike back to Virginia?"

Reid picked his head up and glared, albeit not in a very threatening way. Even on his best day looking threatening was not really Reid's strong point. "Why are you here, Morgan?"

"I was at the hotel, but us leaving you here kinda bothered me. I don't think you should be alone right now. And I assumed that you probably wouldn't be sleeping. I guess I was right, but I didn't think you were going to make an escape attempt," Morgan joked lightly.

The joking didn't have the intended effect, and Reid seemed to get angrier. "Just because I'm the youngest one on the team doesn't mean I need you all to take care of me."

Morgan didn't seem bothered by the irritation in Reid's voice. "It doesn't have anything to do with how old you are. What happened to you, it could have happened to any of us, and it's okay to be bothered by it. You don't have to act strong for our benefit, Reid."

_I'm not strong enough._

_You're all weak…_

Reid's head fell forward and he fought off the sudden tears that sprang to his eyes at the memory of being in the graveyard. The sound of the single gunshot echoed through his head.

_You killed him._

_Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?_

Reid felt his breathing become more and more ragged and was no longer able to reign in the emotions that were overwhelming him. He covered his face with his hands in an attempt to hide his tears. He was grateful that Morgan didn't try to say anything, instead just reaching out and rubbing Reid's back gently. Normally Reid was adverse to almost all touching, but for the moment he both allowed and appreciated the small of comfort he got from the gesture.

It took several minutes for Reid to get control of himself, and even after he did he was reluctant to raise his head up at all and face Morgan. He scrubbed his eyes, trying to hide his tears even though Morgan already knew that he had been crying.

When he did pick his head up he looked almost defiant. "I'm just really tired right now," he said, almost daring Morgan to make a comment to the contrary.

Morgan was aware that Reid was trying to bait him into disagreeing so the younger man would be justified in starting an argument over it. It was a defense mechanism. When Reid felt vulnerable his immediate reaction was usually to try to push away those closest to him.

Morgan wasn't falling for it. "Yeah, you should try to get some sleep."

"I'll sleep when I get home," Reid said. Apparently Morgan was going to ignore Reid's breakdown. Reid was okay with that. "These beds aren't very comfortable."

Morgan laughed. "I hear that."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Morgan watching Reid, and Reid looking anywhere but at Morgan. From his fidgeting it was obvious Reid wanted to say something, so Morgan just waited. In his experience it wasn't usually too difficult to wait out the BAU's resident genius.

It wasn't very long before Reid decided to speak. "What were their names?" At Morgan's confused look he elaborated. "The man and the woman that Raphael killed earlier today." He looked quickly at the clock. "Well, technically yesterday, I guess," he revised.

Morgan leaned forward, suddenly looking very intense. "Reid, that wasn't your fault," he said firmly.

"I know that, Morgan," Reid said softly.

"Then why does it matter?"

Reid toyed with the hem of the blanket before answering. "He left the screen on when he left. I watched them die as it was happening and I couldn't do anything about it. I know I didn't kill them, but… they died because I picked someone else to live. It's not my fault, but I'm at least a little bit responsible. I have to at least know their names."

"Reid, you're not responsible for it at all," Morgan insisted.

Again Reid took a long time to answer. Eventually he looked up, and there was a look of something close to desperation in his eyes. "I have to know their names."

At the look in Reid's eyes Morgan could tell that there was no use arguing with him, and he supposed he could understand wanting to know the names of two people you had seen die. "Pam and Mike Hayes," he said, unsure of what to add.

"Thank you," Reid said softly.

"Reid, I know you feel responsible. I know what it's like to watch someone die and feel helpless to stop it. That doesn't make you responsible at all. It's Tobias' fault—"

"It wasn't Tobias' fault!" In the span of a second Morgan saw Reid go from quietly withdrawn to as mad as he had ever seen him. "Tobias never hurt anyone. It was all Charles and Raphael who did all those things. Tobias was innocent."

"They were all the same person kid."

"No, they weren't! You don't know, you didn't see!" Tears stood out in the corner of Reid's eyes and he leaned forward. "Tobias was as much of a victim as any of the people that Raphael killed. He didn't want to have anything to do with any of it. He was just scared of his dad. Tobias _helped _me."

"Tobias drugged you. That wasn't helping you, kid."

"Don't pretend you know what happened!" Reid almost yelled. "He _was_ trying to help me. He saw that Charles had hurt me and drugs were the only way he knew to make it better." Reid's anger seemed to dissipate and he leaned back on the bed looking suddenly exhausted. The lines and weariness stood out on his face making him look both very young and very old at the same time. "He gave me a choice," he finally admitted. It had been festering in him and it finally spilled out, against his will. He looked cautiously at Morgan, trying to gauge his reaction, but the older man just waited patiently for him to continue. "Not at first. The first time I begged him not to give it to me," Reid locked his eyes on the bed again, the words now spilling out of him like a dam had been opened. "But after a few times he asked-… he said 'Tell me it doesn't make it better,' and I think that if I had told him then not to give it to me he wouldn't have. But I let him, because he was right. It did make it better and I just-…" the tears started to fall again and he had to choke out the last words. "I was just too weak." This time Reid didn't sob, the tears just fell. He didn't hide his face, but didn't look up for fear of seeing Morgan's disappointment.

Morgan sighed and leaned forward, resting his arm on the bed. "Kid, look at me," when Reid didn't respond he took hold of his shoulder. "Reid, look at me," he said more firmly, and that time Reid looked up. "You're right that I don't know what happened, but I do know this: it wasn't your fault. You did what you had to in order to keep yourself alive. Nobody's gonna blame you for that. And don't you dare go thinking you're weak. You are one of the strongest people I know."

Reid laughed bitterly at that and turned away, shaking his head.

"You are." Morgan moved to sit on the edge of the bed, not letting go of Reid's shoulder. "What you went through, you're even being alive right now is testament to that. Being scared or hurt or tormented over everything that's happened doesn't make you weak. It just makes you human." Reid still didn't move and Morgan let go of his arm and rubbed his own face. "Do you want to know why I really came here tonight? The real reason?"

That got Reid to look up. His eyes were still wet, but his interest was piqued. He nodded.

"I fell asleep back at the hotel, first chance I've had to sleep in the past two days, and I had a dream. A nightmare. I dreamed you were dead. I saw you the way you were on the floor after your heart stopped, and I woke up terrified. I couldn't fell back asleep. I came here tonight because I had to see you to make sure you were alive."

Reid stared at Morgan, unable to hide his shock. "Really?" he asked.

"Really. I was truly frightened. I'll bet you don't think I'm weak for that."

Reid shook his head. "Of course not."

A small smile pulled at the corners of Morgan's mouth. "Exactly."

He got off the bed and sat back in the chair, leaning all the way back, his posture relaxed. "Now, I think that we should both get some sleep before the rest of the team shows up. They'll probably be here at the crack of dawn. None of them wanted to leave. Count yourself lucky that the gift shop was closed when we left here, I saw Garcia eyeing up the stuffed animals and balloons through the window I'm pretty sure she would have bought out the whole store and loaded it into your room."

Reid groaned, but there was a smile on his face. He pulled the spare blanket from the end of the bed and gave it to Morgan who draped it over himself and propped his feel up on the edge of the bed, getting comfortable. Reid reclined the bed and leaned back. His eyes slid closed and within minutes both profilers were asleep. Neither was plagued by their nightmares for the rest of the night.

/cm/

Gideon walked down the hospital hallway to Reid's room, a cup of coffee in each hand from the little shop on the corner. He knew Reid would prefer it to the coffee from the cafeteria or the machine at the end of the hall. His own coffee was plain and Reid's he had loaded with sugar.

It was only 5:30 in the morning, the rest of the team were still at the hotel. He himself had not managed to get any sleep the previous night. He had sat in a chair in his room, watching the TV without really seeing it. He had held off as long as he could, but he had left the hotel a little after five. He wanted to get to the hospital before the rest of the team to give Reid a chance to talk if he wanted. The young man had been unwilling to give up any of the details of his capture the night before. Gideon had wanted to stay with Reid for the night but the young man had been vehemently against it. He knew Reid well enough to know that the genius did not like to be around anyone when he was feeling that vulnerable. In the event that he broke down he wouldn't want anyone there to see it.

If Gideon had to guess, he would say that Reid probably hadn't slept at all the night before either. Reid was the master of avoidance, and his dreams were something he could not control, and therefore could not avoid. It was doubtful that he had allowed himself any rest in an attempt to keep away whatever monsters may be waiting to take hold of him in the darkness of sleep.

Reid also hated to be coddled, which was the reason that Gideon had not just ignored his wishes and stayed at the hospital anyway. Reid would incorrectly interpret it as Gideon's way of saying that he couldn't take care of himself.

Gideon rounded the corner into Reid's room and stopped in the doorway at the sight that greeted him. Reid was curled up on his side, sleep taking several years off his already young age. He looked very much like a child with his mouth slightly open and hair falling across his pale face. He looked incredibly peaceful.

Next to him Morgan sat sprawled less than delicately in one of the room's chairs. One shoe-clad foot rested on the edge of the bed, part of a blanket tangled around that leg, the rest had fallen off him to pile on the floor. He snored lightly and the spot on the shoulder of his t-shirt looked suspiciously like drool.

Gideon stifled a laugh and backed quietly out of the room. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to go sit in the cafeteria for a little while.

The End

E/N- well, I'm not exactly happy with this story, but I don't think that it's too bad. It kept trying to spin off in a hundred different directions and I really had to keep reining it in. Hopefully it isn't horrible. Reviews are appreciated!


End file.
